WHY WE GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY FROM OTHERS IN OUR FAMILY

 

We accept without question uniqueness in the physical world…fingerprints, snowflakes, etc. But, we often refuse that same reality in our emotional world. Understanding of this uniqueness is needed – especially in the grieving process.

No two people will ever grieve the same way, with the same intensity or for the same duration for the same loss.

It’s important to understand this basic truth. Why? Because only then can we accept our own manner of grieving and be sensitive to another person’s response to loss. Only then are we able to seek out the nature of support that we need for our own personalized journey back to wholeness and be able to help others on their journeys, too.

Not understanding the individuality of grief can complicate and delay grief. It can also influence us should we attempt to judge the grieving of others – even those we might most want to help.

This is especially true for families who are working together to care for a member who is ill or debilitated. Everyone, including the patient, will deal with the grief in his or her own way. Because of this truth, conflicts or misunderstandings can occur.

Each of us is a unique combination of diverse past experiences. We each have a different personality style. We have various ways of coping with stressful situations. Our attitudes influence how we accept the circumstances around us. We are also affected by the role and relationship that each person in the family system has with the patient and the circumstances surrounding the illness.

 

(Simplified Chinese)

 

• 爲什麽我與家人的悲傷如此不同

   

  毫無疑問，我們必須承認真實世界存在“獨特性”——指紋、雪花的圖案等等。但是，當涉及到情感世界時，我們又常常拒絕這個事實。理解“獨特性”很有必要——特別是處於悲傷中。

  人與人的悲傷沒有完全一樣的，悲傷的程度、持續的時間、導致對人的損傷也各异。

  理解這個常識很重要。為什麼？因爲只有這樣我們才能接受自己的悲傷方式幷理解其他人對親人離去所作出的反應。也只有這樣我們才能發現他人支持的內涵，幫助我們由悲傷回歸完整自我，也幫助他人回歸完整自我之旅。

  對每個人悲傷情緒的獨特性缺乏理解則會加劇悲傷並使其延長。如果我們試圖判斷別人的悲傷情緒——即使是那些我們最想幫助的人——我們自己的情緒也會受到影響。

  對共同照顧生病或衰弱的家人的整個家庭來說，情況更是如此。每個人，包括病人自己，都以自己的方式來對待悲傷情緒。因此，互相會產生情緒衝突或誤解。

  我們每個人都是擁有不同而且獨特的人生經歷。每個人都有不同的人格。我們都以不同的方式對待有壓力的處境。我們的態度影響我們如何接受所處環境。我們還受到其他因素的影響——整個家庭中每個成員所起的作用、每個成員和病人的關係，以及和病情有關的各種情况。