Grief and Your Health

Grief is serious: 
Like a serious physical wound, grief is a serious wound to our psyche. We need to be aware of this psychic wound and treat it as carefully, and with as much concern, as we would treat the physical amputation of an arm or leg.

Grief is cumulative: 
Many who are bereaved are dealing not only with their grief over a loved one’s physical death, but with many accumulated lesser griefs such as loss of income, loss of companionship, loss of certain social activities, loss of community connections, loss of future dreams, etc.

Grief cannot be hurried, it can be delayed: 
Unfortunately, grief has its own timetable and won’t bow to our schedules.  Ignoring it or trying to move through it more quickly only delays the inevitable – that grief will make itself known in one fashion or another.  That’s why it’s best to avoid major changes during the first year of a significant loss.

Searching and yearning for our loved one is a difficult time of grieving: 
It’s also hard for those we’re close to as we’re acutely sensitive to stimuli.  Keeping pictures of the loved one displayed may be difficult for many, but often helpful. Powerful feelings of anger at life (and perhaps at God) begin to emerge as we ask ‘why?’, ‘why me?’, ‘why him/her?”

It’s normal to attach to a fetish at this time: 
Some find great comfort in the feel and smell of favorite clothing, etc. Some will talk to, hold, or rock a toy, blanket, or picture. It’s reassuring to see things as normal and helpful in getting the griever through this period of adjustment. Sometimes these actions equate to ‘pillow talk’ or ‘empty chair’ therapy of the counselor’s office.

Illusions are normal grief reactions for some: 
Those who experience them should enjoy the comfort of their experience and accept it as a normal part of their grief adjustment.

Real physical pain is common among grievers: 
Often it’ll resemble the anguish the loved one experienced. Those who grieve may suffer changing eyesight, hearing problems, breathing difficulties, aching arms and terrible ‘pain’ within the chest. These problems frequently send people to their doctors or the ER for a checkup and reassurance during times of grief.  It’s always important to let your medical care team know you are in grief.

Disorganization is painful and unpredictable: 
With the death, suddenly our old patterns no longer work. The griever experiences a terrible sense of loss of direction with recurrent feelings of helplessness and lack of control. Now is the time to establish new patterns. For example, go out to dinner once a week for no reason, join an exercise class, take up a new sport, etc.

 

(Simplified Chinese)

 

• 悲傷情緒與健康

  悲傷情緒危害健康：

  悲傷情緒就如同嚴重的身體傷痛一樣會嚴重傷害我們的心靈。我們需充分認識心靈傷痛的危害性，幷象治療肢體傷殘一樣精心、周到地治療這種傷痛。

  悲傷情緒日積月累：

  失去親人時，許多人不但要面對親人去世所直接導致的悲傷，還要面臨許多由此帶來的、更細微的損傷，如失去了收入、伴侶、一些社交活動、社會聯繫、未來希望等。

  擺脫悲傷不能操之過急，否則欲速不達。

  遺憾的是，人的悲傷情緒有其發展過程，幷不會象我們所規劃的那樣輕易低頭。對其聽之任之或試圖快速地通過悲傷階段只能拖長這一不可避免的階段——悲傷將以這樣那樣的方式出現。這就是為什麼經歷重大損失之後的第一年，生活最好避免做大的調整的原因。

  尋找、懷念我們的親人會是段難熬的悲傷期。

  對那些與我們親密無間的人來說，這段時間也非常艱難，因爲我們對引發懷念之物非常敏感。保留親人的相片對有些人來說也許在感情上很困難但也經常對心緒的恢復有幫助作用。當我們自問“為什麼”、“為什麼是我”或“為什麼是他/她”時，我們會產生對生活（甚或是上天）產生強烈的憤恨。

  這時産生戀物的現象很正常。

  一些人在撫摸、聞喜歡的衣服等物過程中獲得極大的慰藉，另一些人則通過向一件玩具、毯子或圖像講話，或抓著、搖晃這些物品獲得同樣的效果。為使有悲傷情緒的人渡過心理調整期，這種現象應視爲正常幷且對其是有幫助的。有時悲傷者的這種行爲與“枕邊細語”或心理理療師的“空椅”治療有异曲同工之妙。

  產生幻覺是一些人正常的悲傷反應。

  那些有幻覺體驗的人應品味其帶來的慰藉並將其視為自己調整悲傷情緒的一部分。

  悲傷者通常會產生真實的身體疼痛。

  這通常很象親人生前所經歷的疼痛。悲傷者可能出現視力變化、聽覺問題、呼吸困難、上肢疼痛以及胸口“劇痛”。這些病痛經常會使人們在悲傷期間去看醫生或急診室做健康檢查。讓你的醫生瞭解你的悲傷情緒是很重要的。

  這種無序狀態是痛苦的、不可預測的。

  由于親人的離去，原有的生活狀態突然改變了。由此悲傷者會經歷失去方向的可怕心緒，時常感到無助和自我失控的心情。因此現在是建立新的生活方式的時候。比如，不問爲什麽，每周外出吃晚餐、上健身班、嘗試新的體育項目等等。